THIS CHARMING PROPERTY

1) People who tell 2) truth about 3) properties they are selling should be given 4) prizes for 5) honesty. 6) house which is described as ‘spacious’ will be found to be too large. 7) Words like ‘enchanting’, ‘delightful’, ‘convenient’, ‘attractive’, which are commonly used, all mean small. 8) words ‘small’ and ‘picturesque’, which are not so frequently used, both mean ‘too small’. 9) ‘picturesque house’ is one with 10) bedroom which is too small to put 11) bed in and 12) kitchen which is too small to boil 13) egg in. My prize for 14) honesty goes to someone who recently described 15) house he was selling in 16) following way: ‘This house, which is situated in 17) very rough area of 18) London, is really in 19) need of 20) repair. 21) house, which has 22) terrible lounge and 23) tiny dining room, also has 24) three miserable bedrooms and 25) bathroom which is fitted with 26) leaky shower. 27) central heating, which is expensive to run, is unreliable. There is 28) handkerchief-sized garden which is overgrown with 29) weeds. 30) neighbours, who are generally unfriendly, are not likely to welcome you. This property, which is definitely not recommended, is ridiculously overpriced at £85,000.’